Several years ago, when I wrote the following post, I was introduced to the idea of mindfulness through watching a movie called Peaceful Warrior. As I read this again just a few days ago, I was struck with how insightful the ideas in it are. I'm not trying to toot my own horn here--in fact, it would be tempting to think that since I had written this 4 years ago, I should be further along in my grasp of this spiritual reality.
But I am not self-flagellating or self-congratulating. I am merely grateful that this awareness is something of a constant in my life. If I forget and begin to believe my stories of a past or future, this awareness will find me again, and I will remember.
I honestly believe that this life is perfect. It is beautiful and gives us each exactly what we need every moment. We can learn by it, honor it, see its beauty, or not. That is the choice we have each day, each moment. Namaste'
--
Thursday, March 27, 2008
Just BE
I recently watched the movie Peaceful Warrior. I really enjoyed it, as much for its magical moments as for its message. Yesterday I sat at the park while my son played in the sandbox, and not having brought a book to read, I looked around me at the trees, grass, sky and basked in the beauty of the day--wanting to really see it and experience it.
As the protagonist in the movie, I saw that there is never nothing going on. For even sitting there in this quiet space I saw much going on around me -- my son very focused on playing, insects buzzing, cars with people passing by, a tennis player practicing his game at the net. And it set me to thinking about nowness. If I truly live in the “now”, then I don’t need to worry about attaining some position or altitude of thought, I just need to be me--my highest sense of me as I know it right now.
So much of my life has been concerned with reaching some goal or level or position, or more carefully worded, I would say concerned that I had NOT reached a certain level. I have been very preoccupied with this singular fact--that I had not lived up to the promise others saw in me so many years ago. And the more years that go by without doing so, the more anxious I have become about it, and the more I pressure I have felt to perform, and the more resistant I have become to doing so.
I’ll never forget the words of a friend’s mom, that I “will change the world.” But I didn’t, and it doesn’t look much like I will. But for once, I have glimpsed life as something other than a path that leads either to success or failure. I see the journey. And this journey isn’t something that is planned, marveled or disdained, compared or expected. It is just this--this moment--loved, lived, looked at with honesty, humility and grace. What more is there to do?
Am I better than my neighbor because I keep my house a little neater, or worse because I don’t? Am I better than the sacker at the grocery store, because he is serving me, or worse because I am not earning any wages? Am I better than the homeless man at the shelter, am I worse than the wealthy businesswoman who drives past me in her Mercedes?
In a life lived in the now, we are all equally valuable. Perhaps a homeless man helps someone driving a Mercedes with a flat tire, because it is what he has to give. And in that moment, aren’t they equally receptive to God’s goodness and grace? God doesn’t love the man who puts his head on a patch of grass at night any less than he loves the one whose head sinks into a down pillow. And really, neither should we....regardless of which man we may be.
I guess for once I am starting to see what it means to live in the now, not living for accolades or honors, but just for expressing divine Love, Truth and Life as I understand them, for living each moment as honestly as I can, for loving those I am with unconditionally, and to stop judging this moment by any of the moments that came before or are possibly or likely coming after.
And those demons of pride or shame about which goals I haven’t attained or even planned seem so much thinner, with so much less substance now. It’s truly a moment of sweet peace, as I am learning to
Just be.
No comments:
Post a Comment